ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A student at one of the Channel Country’s most prestigious university colleges, who friends describe as being happy-go-lucky but borderline illiterate, has been selected in the first grade St Frusciante’s College rugby union team this morning ahead of their clash with the Betoota Porpoises on Saturday.
Betoota Grove man Belvedere Hockey, who attended most expensive, exclusive school for boys in the south-west corner, won a spot at St Frusciante’s College late last year after achieving an OP of 25.
Strange, thought many on the university’s board of admissions.
The 19-year-old is currently enrolled in a Bachelor of Arts (Horticulture) and his lecturers say ‘he’s fucking it up’.
In fact, one of his professors suspects Mr Hockey is unable to read at a high school level, making his enrolment in the course somewhat innapropriate.
That professor spoke at length to The Advocate this morning under the guarantee of anonymity, where he detailed Belvedere’s academic record.
“He’s as dumb as a box of rocks; there’s no two-ways about it,” they said.
“But jumping blue Christ on a pogostick, can he play a game of football, or what? He’s like Ned Kelly at every breakdown, just aggressively stealing ball like nobody’s business,”
“Which makes me feel conflicted. On one hand, this big stupid fuck is taking up a bed and a spot in a course that perhaps another person would be more deserving but at the same time, we’re going to win the Bjelke Cup for the first time in two decades because of how good he runs and pilfers ball,”
“At the end of the day, it comes down to money. And it seems Hockey’s family has a lot of it so he can basically do what he wants while he’s enrolled here. That’s the way it is, I guess.”
The Advocate reached out to Belvedere for comment but only received a forwarded email from him, which was a flyer for the campus Dominos ‘
More to come.
