ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A French Quarter man is confusing our cosmopolitan inland port city with Amsterdam, it seems, after he got dressed for work today and then got on his bike.
Down Rue de Putain did Wally Taylor ride, taking the time to ring his bell at pedestrians and ride down the middle of the right-hand lane.
The 23-year-old corporate johnny attracted the ire of a few passing motorists.
A bearded tradesman passed well within 2m distance and shouted at him, mere centimetres from his earhole.
“Buy a car, you fuckwit!” he yelled.
Wally had his headphones in and didn’t hear him.
He didn’t realise that he’d once again escaped death by Ford Ranger by the skin of his teeth. Ten minutes earlier, he came close to being bounced into the path of an on-coming bus, where he and his Trek Urban Pro 3000 would’ve been crushed into a fine paste.
In the foyer cafe of his office block, Wally told our reporter that many people in his life have told him to wake up to himself and buy a car – but he says he doesn’t need one.
“My boss has openly told me that he’s overlooked me for promotions because I ride a pushbike to work like a child,” he said.
“And my colleagues assume that I’m only riding the bike because I blew the bag and lost my licence. Well, I can drive a car but I don’t need one, so why would I have one?”
According to Wally’s boss, he needs to drive a car because that’s what Australian blokes do.
He explained to our reporter that knowing how to do your job is just a small part of being successful in your job, the other part is how well you get along with people above you.
“Mate, if I had a junior here who I could take to lunch and talk about buying an old NC Fairlane with the 5L V8 up the front and how it’d be good to put in a nice dual system with a crossover valve so it’s not droney but you can’t because the fuel tank is too big at the back so you can’t have a pipe either side but if I was a younger man, I’d just have the headers dumped out under the doors and drive the cunt about town in 3rd gear,” he said.
“And then there’s Wally. He’s a good kid. Harmless. But he rides a pushbike so I can’t take him seriously. There’s nothing wrong with riding a bike. There is, however, a problem riding a pushbike in a suit. He needs to wake up to himself and buy a car like a real man.”
More to come.
