EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A man sporting a shade of blonde mostly seen on children has been urged to grow the fuck up today, as not only is it unnatural but also very embarrassing.
The intervention is said to have occurred this morning when Dan Hillock agreed to have breakfast with one of his oldest female friends, who told him there was an important matter she needed to discuss.
Gently taking his hand across the table as she sat in a cafe in Betoota’s bustling work district, Laney Gruen explained that it really is time that Dan grew up and stopped being so blonde.
“Dan, I love you and support you, but you’re too old to be doing this. A thirty year old man should not have hair that blonde”, said Laney, with a sad but reassuring smile, “I know it’s scary, but you need to stop.”
“You have a lot of people who care about you and who want to see you be more than this.”
As expected, Dan was quick to defend his light locks, insisting that it’s perfectly fine for an adult man to have straw coloured hair.
But really, it’s not.
“No Dan, you’re not even SWEDISH!”
“This madness has to end!”
More to come.
