ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A gibbering old fool from our town’s leafiest enclave of Betoota Grove has stood on his balcony this morning and watched the tradespeople file into a neighbouring property that’s currently under construction.
Going through Graham Pooley’s mind is the thought of perhaps asking one of them, one that’s visibly “Middle Eastern”, if they’d be up to doing a few jobs around his house. By a few jobs, the 78-year-old means the illegal poisoning of three unsightly gums that separate his eyeballs from the million-dollar views of Lake Betoota.
“These bloody trees have gotten down into my neighbour’s septic and they’ve gone mad these past few years,” he told our reporter beside the bar down at the Lake Betoota Sailing Club this past weekend.
“The shire council won’t do anything. I’ve called them, I’ve emailed them. I’ve even offered to make a donation and nothing. I’m going to have to do something about it myself!”
That something was Pooley walking down to the end of his driveway and waiting to pick out a tradie he thought would be up to the job of drilling into the gums in the dead of night and tipping in a bit of Roundup Ultra MAX.
“I’ve watched enough Sky News to know that one of them would be up for it, or would at least know someone who would be,” he said.
“This young bloke I spoke to, Rafi, he said ‘maybe’.”
Our reporter confirmed that the retired bank manager had indeed requested Rafi’s nocturnal gardening services.
“Racist old cunt,” Rafi laughed.
“He said, ‘I know you Lebanese like money,’ and I was like, ‘I’m fucken Iraqi you stupid old cunt, do you want me to put you on your arse?’ and the fucken bloke just gigged at me and rubbed his hands together and said, ‘Yes! You’ll do!’ and asked me if I could poison some trees for him,”
“Bro, sure, I can poison some fucken gums for you no worries but not because I’m Iraqi. But because I love cash and I need more. Bro, every cunt needs more cash, this place is fucked.”
More to come.
