EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
Despite smelling like a pisshouse every Friday afternoon, local grandad Richard Mills reckons he hasn’t been to the pub in a while.
The pensioner insisted that he’d quit the RSL as paying four bucks for a schooner of beer was nothing short of a ‘highway robbery.’
However, Richard is at a loss to explain the increasing number of Keno pencils found in his stationery stash.
“Yeah he thought he was being sly,” says Richard’s wife, Rose, “but I know you can’t get those at the newsagents.”
Rose had reportedly stumbled upon the hidden nest of pencils when she’d been looking for her prehistoric address book. She says she hadn’t been too concerned until she noticed a number of rolled up, soggy beer coasters stowed behind a biscuit tin.
“I should’ve known something was going on,” says Rose, “he bought himself a new pair of Dunlop Volleys the other day.”
“Isn’t due for another pair for at least a couple of months.”
When confronted about a potential gambling problem, Richard opted for some good old fashioned gaslighting.
“Aw yeah, you know where they’re from do yah? Now who’s got a gambling problem?”
“I don’t know what the bloody hell those are. Thought they were kids pencils.”
“This is bullshit. Getting interrogated in my own house.”
Richard apparently stormed off in a huff and was later seen driving to an unknown destination.
When he returned home, Rose reckons the Keno stash ‘quadrupled in size.’
