ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The first televised leader’s debate between Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and Opposition Leader Peter Dutton has left viewers split on who came out on top, but overwhelmingly united on one point. The volume was set exactly to 44 and not a single notch lower.
Broadcast exclusively on Sky News and the Daily Telegraph website, the debate was only accessible to Australians with a specific type of media setup, namely, Foxtel, which cannot be obtained unless you’ve had an MRI scan and doctors discover that, where your brain should be, there’s a small clump of white dog shit.
For everyone else, it’s just Kayo and Binge.
“I thought Albo landed a few clean jabs, especially when he brought up Dutton’s spending vs GDP slip up,” said 73-year-old Betoota resident Trevor McKellar.
“But I’ll give Dutton credit. The bloke doesn’t blink. He held his nerve.”
Trevor says the performance didn’t sway his vote but did require some audio assistance.
“Had to crank the LG to 44 just to make out what they were saying over the kettle and the dog licking itself,” he said.
“I hate the dog.”
His wife Helen agreed.
“Didn’t really care whom [sic] won,” she said.
“Just nice to see a bit of old-fashioned political theatre without any TikTok dances. I watched it with a blanket on my knees. Felt like Parliament was working again.”
With most of the nation locked out of viewing due to paywalls and being young, the debate landed in front of its natural demographic. Pensioners with strong opinions, powerful remotes, and short memories.
“I thought Albo went alright,” said Helen.
“But Peter looked more comfortable. Like a sausage dog at Okterfest. Still, we’ll wait for the second debate before making our minds up. Or until someone posts the highlights on Facebook with captions.”
More to come.
