EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
Long time liberal voter and university lecturer, Harrison Rhyde, has had a hard time adapting to the modern classroom, and states that he ‘often has to watch what he says.’
Known in the past for making jokes about women and using the occasional racial slur, Harrison complains that the ‘wokeness’ of his students, coupled with the quick access to iphones, has made teaching nearly impossible.
Instead of going off on an unsolicited tirade about something he’d read in the Daily Mail that morning, Harrison now has to stick strictly to the curriculum.
“I’m finding it very difficult,” says Harrison, “I’ve never faced this kind of persecution before. You can’t imagine how it feels.”
“I just feel like a have a right to say what I want without offending anybody.”
Harrison’s latest class, which he reportedly struggled with more than usual as it was focussed on international trading, saw Harrison remain silent for a solid fifteen minutes before he was able to answer a student’s question.
When the class was over, Harrison said he’d wept in frustration, before seeking solace in some low brow Reddit forums.
“I’m actually starting to think that this is some sort of reverse racism,” says Harrison, still angry that he can’t go on a rant about his own right-sided ideologies to impressionable students.
“How am I supposed to build camaraderie with my male students if I’m not constantly making off coloured, sexist jokes?”
“Are you saying I have to face my impending divorce and work on building a relationship with my estranged son instead of pushing my bitter agenda onto innocent students? No thank you!”
Harrison has since bought himself a stress ball to squeeze whenever he feels the urge to say something politically incorrect. It’s reported that he went through six balls in the first week alone.
More to come.
