ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Though he’s only 31, a local man has bid farewell to his youth and all the things that go with it after he was discovered posing with various wax figures at the London Madame Tussauds this week.
Oliver Redman, who’s been awkwardly teetering on the tightrope between middle-age and youth, told our reporters that he’s finally fallen off the wrong side.
“The transition has been long,” he said, just days after the images surfaced on Facebook.
“I’ve got grown-up things like a mortgage and a long-term girlfriend – who isn’t just nice to look at but also is great company – but I’ve also got things young people have like a bowl of weed in the garage and a billy,”
“But yeah, I guess you could say I’m a fully fledged grown up. Millie and I are on our first big trip Euro together and naturally, we started in London. But the thought of dropping our bags at the Airbnb and immediately heading out to find affordable, high-quality cocaine didn’t really appeal to us – for some reason.”
So rather than starting a hard pinting session at their local Wetherspoons, Oliver and Millie decided to visit the Tower and all the other old shit you see in London now that they’ve closed down The Church.
However, it’s widely considered by many that the final frontier, the last thing you do when you’ve exhausted everything a city has to offer, is to visit a Madame Tussauds.
“And we did just that,” he said.
“We literally had nothing better to do, so we went to Madame Tussauds. It was like £40 entry and about as interesting as a John Howard TED talk. But Millie enjoyed herself,”
“To be honest, I’d rather be writhing around in a hostel bed having been out at Infernos all night on the gear but at the same time that idea scares the shit out of me.”
More to come.
