EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
WOW THIS WOMAN SHITS! In some banal news to break up the political content, it can now be confirmed that every person who spots you carrying a stack of toilet paper is indeed, thinking about how much you shit.
This comes as locals at Betoota Heights Woolworths report seeing a woman in her mid twenties carrying a stack of Quiltons at roughly 12:30pm yesterday afternoon, with no other groceries in sight – which means she must have really, really needed to do a shit.
Speaking to a few people at the scene, our reporter learns that failing to put your toilet paper in a plastic bag is clearly a signal you’re at desperation stage and everyone is thinking about it!
“Wow, carrying toilet paper without getting anything else? She must be a huge shitter”, says Jason Nash, 18, the Woolies cashier who was working that day, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
Hannah Gilbert, who works at the Westfields Laser Clinics as a beauty therapist, says she was popping into Woolies to grab some lunch when she witnessed the girl grabbing some tut paper, and says the experience really made her day.
“I know the girl was really paranoid that everyone was staring at her, and it’s true, we all were”, says Hannah, “and we were all visualising her on the crapper.”
“How embarrassing for her!”
More to come.
