LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A study by the Bureau of Childless Men (BCM) has confirmed that a sibling relationship to a parent is not necessarily needed for a man to be considered a ‘cool uncle’, rather they just need to be the sort of bloke who will do the opposite of what parents would normally do.
One such ‘cool uncle’ is Luceyn Bennett (35) of Betoota’s Flight Path District who is known as ‘Uncle Luke’ to his best mate’s son and daughter.
Having previously done cool uncle things like letting them take a golf club to an abandoned car and buying them a Lego set recommended for beyond their current age range, Bennett is pretty sure he is a ‘cool uncle’ and hopes to prove so during tonight’s baby sitting duty.
“Yes, you two can have a water fight but keep it inside where I can see it OK?” stated Bennett, as he rearranged his friend’s living room for perfect cubby house ergonomics.
“I don’t want you accidently overwatering your mum’s succulents.”
“And remember, no going in the cubby house until you’ve finished your lollies.”
After forfeiting complete control of the pizza order to his spiritual niece and nephew, Uncle Luke logged out of the kids Netflix account to see what proper movie they’d be watching.
“What!? You two have never seen Kill Bill? That ends tonight you little dickheads!”
As RZAs final theme played, Uncle Luke and the kids ended up with plastic swords in their hands, recreating much of the violence their parents swore they would never be exposed to.
Upon putting the kids to bed, each of them still wearing a costume with sherbert caked on their teeth, the children remarked at how they wished Uncle Luke was their real dad.
“That’s funny you say that because I almost was! Didn’t your mum ever tell you that she and I used to date?” asked Uncle Luke before beginning the least appropriate bedtime story ever.
MORE TO COME.
