LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
City boy Jack Sharples has made an attempt to prove he knows a thing or two about farm life by confidently making a weird little clicking sound in an attempt to summon a horse towards him.
According to Sharples, when his wife Toni realised he had cousins who owned a cattle farm she immediately contacted them to organise a ‘farm stay’ with the vague notion that her kids could get to know their ‘country cousins’.
Despite initially being a little concerned about being somewhere without places that make a good cup of filtered coffee (Kenyan single origin if you have it), Sharples packed up a bag of the stuff his barista ground for him along with his stripiest linen shirt and set out to the country.
Stopping only to purchase matching Akubras, the Sharples family pulled into the farm where their dad would painfully try to assure them he could provide for them in old times and an apocalypse for three long starry nights.
“Aaah, the old water tank,” stated Sharples, knocking the side of what was indeed a water tank with his fist.
“This one’s got water up to here, I think, it’s got some water in it. They can just buy some if it doesn’t.”
Along with periodically pointing out what the things in a farm are (details his children already know from cartoons aimed at toddlers) Sharples has adopted a few ‘farm habits’ including spitting, driving around the property without a seatbelt and making a clicking noise to summon a horse.
“Here horsey horse, come here,” said Sharples in between clicks.
“Approach slowly with your hands up kids, they can sense fear and bite ears.”
While his cousins assured Sharples you do not need to make some random clicking sound to summon a horse, they did enjoy taking him to the stables as he accidentally stepped in horse shit and ran to the hose screaming about ruining the resale value of his shoes.
“He tried to get on to his sneaker cleaner but he had no reception!” stated one cousin who hadn’t stopped laughing.
“He’s only been here 40 minutes and he’s already sick of it! This is funny as fuck!”
“I’ll tell him about the drought, that’ll calm him down. It usually works on city types.”
MORE TO COME.
