EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
A northern suburban neighbourhood is today copping an earful thanks to the public school system. In what might be the greatest example of sadism in the 21st century, Ben Smalls, a tone deaf eight year old, was reportedly given some holiday homework courtesy of his psychopathic music teacher.
Though that seemed bad enough, it was made worse by the fact that it involved the world’s most useless instrument – the fucking recorder.
“Jesus Christ,” mutters an elderly neighbour, peering out of his window, “sounds bloody awful.”
“It’s just the same bar of hot cross buns over and over,” moaned another neighbour, “he doesn’t even know the whole song.”
After a solid hour of playing the irritating tune, neighbours were relieved to finally have some peace and quiet. That’s when Ben decided it was time to add in some freestyling.
“Doo Doo Doo Dooooo”
“Doo Doo Dooooooo Doooooooooooooooo”
“DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOooooo.”
Luckily for the neighbours, Ben’s recorder ended up getting coated in spit which resulted in a less jarring but more disgusting sound.
“THHHHHH THHHHH THHHHHHH”
Ben’s mum and dad were obviously not too bothered by their son’s terrible playing, as the sounds reportedly continued for another 90 minutes. As much as some of the neighbours felt like walloping the boy, it’s unfortunately an unspoken rule of suburban living that you must put up with at least several hours of the recorder every school holiday.
More to come.
