Sports

Lions Bandwagoner’s Confusion Only Grows After Learning Magpie With The Snazzy Shades Is From Texas

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights big fella has been left scratching his melon in the front bar of the Railway Hotel this afternoon after pointing out that one of the Collingwood players is wearing a "silly" pair of goggles. "Look at that bloke," laughed Jaxon Cole. "Bloody idiot wearing them goggles like that! Where's he think he...

Queensland Promises To Stop Saying ‘GayFL’ If The Lions Win A Fourth Flag

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Brisbane Lions are embracing its first grand final week since 2004 with just three players having the Grand Final experience prior to this weekend. But the club itself has been here before. Ane of the most successful AFL clubs of the 2000s, the Lions appeared in four consecutive grand finals from 2001 to 2004, and winning three premierships...

MCC Members Reluctantly Install Mother Energy Taps For Cashed Up Collingwood Supporters

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Brisbane Lions have landed themselves a spot in the 2023 AFL grand final, with a high octane win over Carlton to set up a decider against Collingwood. This means that Collingwood are technically playing at home, while the Queenslanders have to travel - just like they have to travel for the NRL Grand final, which they are...

Non-Footy Guy Attempts To Drag Convo Back To Average Cruising Speed Of The Broad-Tailed Hummingbird

JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact Passionate Zoology student, Daniel Shorten (25), hates September as much as he loves specialising in the study of birds. That’s because as a non-footy guy, every September is a stark reminder of how much his so-called ‘friends’ love sports. And as footy finals fever overcomes them, he is agog at how sportsball becomes a more important conversation...

“It’s Coming Home!” Says Queenslander Who Doesn’t Know Much About Aussie Rules

JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact “How good is the other Football?!” Brisbane resident Darcy Salmon (32) shouted at a group of strangers sat across from him at his favourite local pub on Caxton Street this afternoon. Several of the sports bar’s 13 TV screens were showing a replay of the preliminary final match between the Brisbane Lions and the Carlton Blues, where...

Nervous-Wreck Pies Fan Probably Not Going To Enjoy This Match Any More Than Last Week’s Match

JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact Lifelong Collingwood Magpies supporter, Sarah Gilbert (40), will surely cark it if this AFL Grand Final proves to be in any way competitive. Gilbert knows this in her heart after attending last weekend’s nail biting preliminary final contest between her beloved Pies and the Orange Tsunami, GWS Giants. The Pies managed to win the game by one...

Report: The Kevolution Will Be Televised.

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT TV audiencve around Brisbane have been encouraged to gather round and bear witness as tonight the Kevolution will be televised. Finishing with the wooden spoon a mere three years ago, the Brisbane Broncos had become the laughing stock of the NRL with departing coach Anthony Seibold staring as Fox Sports favourite whipping boy of 2020. However, since the appointment of...

“Macca, Indooroopilly.” Says Broncos Fan To Complete Stranger Joining Him On Sydney Strike Attack

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The great migration of Broncos and Lions tragics begins today, as the nation's proudest and loudest fans head south ahead of the double-header AFL and NRL grand finals that are taking place in Melbourne and Sydney respectively. Between now and tomorrow, tens of thousands will board flights support their sides in either of the cities, prompting spikes in airfares...

Hysterically Nervous Eddie McGuire Seeing Bad Omens Everywhere After Spotting Woman In A Choker At The Lights

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Superstition and divine intervention will go out the window hen Collingwood and Brisbane run out onto the MCG for Saturday afternoon's AFL grand final, as both teams fight tooth in nail for a flag - in what many predict will be a close battle. But the idea of a close battle is a little too much too bare right...

Youth Crime: Broncos And Lions Flags Just Big Signs Saying ‘Rob This House’ During Finals Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Tens of thousands of Queenslanders are flying south this weekend to support their teams in their respective Grand Finals, after both Brisbane clubs make it all the way to the big dance in both the AFL and the NRL grand finals. The Brisbane Lions take on those racist chokers Collingwood in the AFL showpiece at the MCG on Saturday....

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