Sports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man is coming up for air, it can be confirmed this afternoon. Michael Lane a young lawyer from our town's aspirational Betoota Heights district has finally clicked his phone off and taken a long deep breath. This comes after the man spent the hours between 9am and 2:30pm with his eyes flicking from his computer screen...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A former great of the game of Rugby League has this weekend made a shocking revelation. Speaking during one of the Round 7 games over the last few days, Stephen 'Brick' McKay revealed to TV viewers that one of the players, was in fact a footy player. "He's a footy player this kid," said Brick after one of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA tennis commentator at the Monte Carlos Masters has today exclusively revealed to The Advocate that he wishes Stefanos Tsitsipas was still nursing the shoulder injury he incurred trying to roll a boulder up a hill, because his name is pretty much impossible to say with a lisp. The commentator, who wishes to remain anonymous, told our reporter that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT South Australian Premier Peter Malinauskas has today welcomed a large group of interstate tourists to his home city. With the inaugural Gather Round just hours away from kick off at the Adelaide Oval, the man in charge of Southern Australia is doing his best to make sure all the visitors are being looked after. The copy of the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Penrith Panthers have once again been accused of 'lacking class' by the ultimate authority on what is and isn't classy. NewsCorp rugby league expert and culturally anxious ageing white man, Paul Kent kicked off again at what he perceives to be poor conduct by the reigning NRL premiers. The current drama dates back to 2022's “weak-gutted dog” drama...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A helpless Bachelor is attempting to fill his calendar tonight as he looks for a way to spice up his year. After spending the last six months suffering an unfortunate dry spell, which has included several ghostings from potential Bumble suitors, local Drummond Golf retail assistant Curt Trainor (31) has decided he’s going to book himself...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some startling news that shows just how dangerous modern technology can be, an up and coming NRL player has become one of the first victims of the AI art trend, shortly after the world was tricked by the fashionable pope series. Sydney NRL player Tim Bargearse tells The Advocate that he was shocked and appalled to discover...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT TV experts and armchair critics have confirmed that the weekend’s F1 should make for some interesting viewing.  Playing out in front of a record crowd at Albert Park, the Melbourne Grand Prix was chock a block full of drama, with multiple crashes causing the race to finish under a safety car.  That resulted in Max Verstappen, a local fan favourite...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Local bloke James Haden has this week had quite the shock after discovering that his girlfriend Lisa not only has an interest in Formula One, but also appears to be quite the expert - including having a very in depth knowledge of drivers Daniel Ricciardo, Carlos Sainsz and Charles Leclerc. It’s alleged James was given this insight when he’d...

JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact Betootians may have some Victorian friends who know Shane Crawford as the former elite AFL Brownlow winning legend. The silky-skilled jet who cut up the midfield for the Hawks better than any captain ever had.  But the truth is Crawfs has never considered himself to be a footy player. He’s always known in his heart and soul...