KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
An office appears tense in the Betoota Finance district today, as a new company hire continues to frighten colleagues with anti-social, cold-blooded behaviour.
After two weeks on the job at tech finance firm XeroTac, co-workers are keeping close watch of new recruit Adrian Campos and his affection for sadistic behaviour in the form of scolding hot, caffeinated beverages.
Speaking with The Advocate, local office administrator Carly Andrews (24) said the entire team was on high alert and keeping an eye on the fire escape.
“Look, usually our new hires fit straight in, but with Adrian we’re all completely on edge.”
“The guy has a thousand yard stare and is yet to mention a single loved family member.”
“Even the boss asked me to do a stock take of the knives in the kitchen, I’ve had to check that the Chef’s Knife that we use to cut birthday cakes is still in its protector.”
When quizzed on the supporting evidence to support her claim, Carly identified several psychopathic traits that were raising red flags throughout the office.
“First it was his tone in emails, the guy never opens with weekend pleasantries or signs off with a ‘Kind Regards.’”
“Then it was the fact he brings cucumber sandwiches for lunch and he likes to slice the bread into perfectly sectioned triangles, almost like it’s therapeutic for him.”
“But to be honest it was all confirmed when I did a coffee run and he asked for a ‘Long Black. Extra Hot.”
“Surely he’s got a list of kills somewhere in his notebook. Or a collection of locks of hair under a floorboard in his house.”
Carly admitted many colleagues were visiting the bathrooms in pairs as a safety measure.
“Anyone who enjoys sipping 400ml of scorching hot coffee that removes every taste bud in your mouth has to be into some kinda sadistic shit right?”
