ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Moaning when he eats is just something Martin Harris does—and always has done. Which is why some in his life are questioning what else he gets up to when nobody is looking.
Over lunch today at Yum Yai, a popular French Quarter eatery, the 31-year-old licked his lips as he perused the menu in plain sight of our reporter. Spotting the coronation chicken sub, Martin squirmed in his seat and made an odd clicking sound with his mouth.
He ordered some vanilla slice to enjoy before his sandwich arrived, and after the waiter had trundled off back to the kitchen, Martin let out a playful chuckle to himself before retreating back into a mindless Instagram reel loop.
The money bags arrived.
“Oh, goodie,” said Martin flatly as he tried to take a slice off the plate before the waiter had even put it on the table.
Seconds after putting the piece of slice in his mouth, his eyes rolled deep into the back of his head, and his shoes shuffled as his toes curled in ecstasy.
Martin let out an earth-shattering, guttural moan. His jaw dropped, and the half-chewed custard sat there like a dead seal on an orca’s tongue.
“Damn! This money bag is straight fire! [moans] Damn!” he said, turning to our reporter.
“You should try one of these! [moans] So good.”
As the waves of sheer delight began to fade, they instantly returned as the main course appeared through the saloon-style doors of the kitchen.
Martin’s face contorted with a forced grin accompanied by a series of quick little golf claps.
“Yay! Over here, sir!” said Martin, attracting the attention of more people in the restaurant.
“Damn, this looks so good!”
Taking the sub with both hands, Martin opened his mouth wide, his tongue poking all the way out to maximize the space in his gaping orifice.
Another, more powerful moan emerged from deep inside Martin. This time, the waiter turned around.
“Ohhhh yeah!” said Martin.
“So damn good, oh yeah. Uh. Ooohh yeah. Oh my god, get inside me! [moans] Ooooh yeah! [moans] Yeah!”
Another deeper moan accompanied the second bite, followed by some very light and playful toe tapping.
Another diner turned to our reporter and smiled.
“What’s wrong with that guy?” he said.
Our reporter shrugged and went back to eating their bacon and egg roll on Turkish, lightly toasted and drowning in BBQ sauce.
More to come.
