KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A professional showboat has enjoyed publicly pleasuring himself this afternoon, after posting a 400-word essay on LinkedIn to announce he’d received his First Aid Certificate.
James Handcock, a 27 year old Marketing Assistant from OhMyDOoH Media, decided to use his recently acquired (compulsory) training as an opportunity to jackhammer his personal brand across LinkedIn.
The lengthy post which included the hashtags #StJohnsSavesLives and #DoingMyPart also included a number of first aid statistics, which Mr Handcock had clearly copied and pasted straight from the training portal.
Speaking with The Advocate, the no-socks-chinos-rolled media guy admitted his post was a flagrant attempt to garner some career attention.
“So my work needed someone in our team to have this certificate thingo, I’m up for a promotion soon so thought why not put my hand up and champion my team player attributes!”
“These days employers want their workers to have all kinds of skills, so when they offered me a half day off to learn how to pump some plastic dummy’s chest, I thought sure! Couldn’t hurt my career opportunities right?!”
“There’s absolutely no chance of me ever actually using an EpiPen, but it’s not about that. It’s about spreading AWARENESS”
Speaking with colleagues of the self described #ThoughtLeader, The Advocate can reveal it’s not the first time Mr Handcock has been accused of jumping onto social causes for professional gain.
“I tell ya he’s an absolute pest for a fundraising morning tea,” said Jackson Carat, a 29 year old assistant media buyer who shares a desk pod with Mr Handcock.
“Anytime there’s some ‘Wear Red Day’ or ‘World Thyroid Week’, you can guarantee he’ll be posting some shit on his LinkedIn’
“It’s laughable, I don’t think he donates any money himself, he just pats himself on the back with a selfie and fills my feed with a million hashtags each week.”
Since time of publication, The Advocate can confirm Mr. Handcocks post had received sixteen likes and several life affirming comments from ex colleagues who praised his idiocy with the clapping hand emoji.
