ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The nation’s new peak scientific body, an out-sourced department of the CSIRO named BrainThink, has rebutted claims made by unpopular left-wing groups like the OECD and the Climate Change Performance Index that Australia is the worst-performing developed country in the world, telling media this morning in Canberra that we are actually the best.
BrainThink is run by Howard era senior bureaucrat, Mr Richard Inhand AM, who released his organisation’s own report into climate change policy performance just days after a group of ‘inbred’ Europeans lashed Australia for meeting the impending climate disaster with “unpensive shrugs” and “unfounded panache”.
“I think you’ll find that we’ve been doing a lot more than the socialist governments of Europe are giving us credit for,” he said.
“Unfortunately, all the media in Australia is focused on running the anti-Liberal agenda at the moment. We, uh, I mean, uh. Hang on. Let me start again. BrainTank has done the independent research into Australia’s response and we’ve, uh. Fuck me. Ok.”
Mr Inhand cleared his throat.
“BrainThink is an independent auditor of government policy, both here and abroad, and we have some of the greatest minds in Australia working to undo the red tape and to see through the visage of corporate jargon. Does that make sense?”
Our reporter unpensively shrugged.
“We have the highest standards when it comes to verifying and fact-checking data, so rest assured, we aren’t like the CSIRO. We are like them but better because we aren’t bound by the government dollar, we are, uh. No wait. The CSIRO are slaves to the corporate dollar and we are not,”
“Thank you.”
More to come.
