ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
One of the nation’s most trusted hospital-grade disinfectants has taken out a massive award over the weekend at the International Whisky Committee (IWC), with Pine-O-Clean winning the best alcohol-free spirit for 2023.
While it says on the bottle that drinking Pine-O-Clean will kill you, that didn’t deter judges from sampling the forbidden brown liquid.
Judges noted the depraved harshness of Pine-O-Clean and the eye-watering aroma that left many of the esteemed judges wondering if they were still in the room. After smelling the Pine-O-Clean and swirling it around in their mouths, many felt compelled to drink it.
“That’s one act that judges rarely do,” said IWC chairperson Ashley Cainworth.
“When a judge swallows, that means they really like the spirit and give it the finish it deserves. Unceremoniously spitting it into a can is something reserved for lesser spirits like Johnnie Walker and anything from Australia.”
“They were really blown away by the 2023 Pine-O-Clean disinfectant. Even hours later, the judges were still feeling the effects from the experience. One judge was even unable to drive home; they spent the rest of the day in the recovery position in the staff room, projectile vomiting on the carpet, then heaving up bits of their stomach lining.”
“While there were other great contenders, such as the Windex Scotch, the Dettol Clear Peat, and the Sugar Soap Whisky, the Pine-O-Clean was just too good this year.”
More to come.
