KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A cafe in Betoota’s central business district has been reported to authorities today for an atrocious crime against food standards.
The Advocate can report that a complaint was made at 8:38am this morning by local data analyst Gareth Bale (32), who was attempting to cure a case of mid-week blues with some cheesy buttery carbs.
Having spent his morning bumping shoulders and being coughed all over on a packed bus into the city, Gareth decided he’d slip by the “The Daily Bean”, an uninspiring cafe in the foyer of his tower building, which as the unoriginal name would suggest, was just downright average in every way.
Spotting a tray of ham and cheese croissants defrosting next to the loaves of frozen banana bread in the cafe display fridge, Gareth chose to add the cheesy pastry to his order with a skim flat white.
But after being handed his coffee and realising he’d just been rinsed $6.5 for a watery brew as flavourful as an instant coffee sachet from a highway motor inn, Gareth’s morning turned even worse when he was handed an oily flat brown paper bag which was beginning to become translucent.
“Nah I didn’t order a toastie,” Gareth said to the barista who was too busy getting through the backlog of coffee orders, “I don’t think this is mine.”
Taking a sniff at the brown bag and taking a peek inside, Gareth was disheartened to see that the cafe had indeed simply jammed his ham and cheese croissant into the sandwich toaster, locked it down like a baling press and squished the absolute crap out of what was once a light and fluffy delicate mound of pastry.
“Oh for f*cks sake,” Gareth whispered, his Monday now totally ruined, “why do they do this?!”
“No wonder the French hate us Aussies, first the submarines and now we’re just out here butchering their national cuisine, would it hurt to just slip it under the grill for a few minutes instead?!”
More to come.
