LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A local Millennial has had another phone battery drained to shit after wasting another day dodging phone calls from excited boomer journos.
The Australian version of a fabled White Tiger, Millennial homeowners are a rare and mysterious breed who managed to survive against the odds like grass growing within the cracks of asphalt.
One such white tiger are Millennial homeowners Carlon and Lucy Groat who through years of frugality and earning above average salaries were able to afford a shitbox apartment in an area where they are the only people under 40.
Although their story is boring and can be summed up in a paragraph it has not stopped boomer journalists from making a landline phone call to the Groats to get the scoop on how achievable owning a home can be, even when you are completely locked out of the market.
“Seriously, I’m just trying to go about my fuckin day,” stated Lucy, her phone vibrating across the table like a baby after an espresso shot.
“They want me to end up like one of those punchable cunts with rich parents bragging about how easy it was to get a house. Well it’s not going to happen!”
“Yes, our parents helped us out with money and free rent for eight years but they’re not helping us out with the new mortgage payments are they? Yes, we earn good money but we work 100 hour weeks, spending more time at a fucking standing desk than I ever had in my kitchen. I don’t even know why I’m doing this fucking interview, I’m not in the mood hey?”
“Do us a favour would you? Let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.”
MORE TO COME.
