ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Some blimp-headed fuck from Betoota Heights has told friends this week that he can’t wrap his head around renting because why would you choose to do that when you could just live at home with your parents.
It’s one money saving trick that Shannon Mallory, a 31-year-old physiotherapist, is ready to dish out to anyone who’ll listen.
One person who isn’t listening is his Victorian Rules Football team mate, Huey Wood, who’s been told to stop paying off someone else’s mortgage and start living back at home with his parents to save cash.
“Shannon’s looked me in the eye before and said back at home, you don’t have to pay for things like rent, electricity, gas or even food. He said that with a straight face. We were driving to preseason in Lake Betoota the other day and he pulls into a service station to get diesel and some snacks. After he puts 100L into his dad’s Prado, he gets the fuel card from the glovebox and says that’s another money saving hack when you don’t want to pay for fuel,”
“Now, he understood that not everyone has a fuel card. He’s not an idiot but Christ alive, he can sound like one sometimes.”
Shannon’s parents say they love having him home after he spent his university days living in the heart of town, both on college at the South Betoota Polytechnic College in one of their investment properties they bought in the late 1990s.
Huey recalls that despite this being Shannon’s low overheads, he was still flat broke most of the time.
“He could always go home when he got hungry or he’d run out of money. I think that’s what’s fucked him, really,” Huey said.
“When his folks inevitably shoehorn him into a property of his own, he’ll share some wisdom on his journey to home ownership, too. It’s easy, he’ll say. My own parents can’t help me, I can’t live there. They reckon it was either in their day,”
“Well, unfortunately we had to shut down the planet and do some quantitative easing all because the Baby Boomers and their long-suffering parents weren’t up to fighting a simple flu. Now, we have dreadful inflation, interest rates out the ying yang and war in Europe.”
More to come.
