EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Local woman Dawn Packham [31] has this week come to the conclusion that life simply isn’t difficult enough.
After having a peaceful and uneventful month where everything had gone by as seamlessly as possible, Dawn says she was overcome with the urge to fuck everything up for herself, and make even performign the most basic life tasks, as frustrating as possible.
Speaking to The Advocate, Dawn says she considered giving her contact details to a gym so that she’d be harassed weekly for a couple of months, but that she’d come across an even better idea while she was grocery shopping.
“I was originally trying to replace my old gas lighter”, says Dawn, “but all I could find was the ones with the child locks on them.”
“And then I remembered how fucking impossible they are to use.”
Handing it over to our reporter, an amused Dawn asks her to try flicking it on, and descends into cackles when Effie swears and pegs it across the room.
“Amazing, aren’t they?”
“You try flicking it on while your other hand is holding down the stove button.”
“It’s a person job.”
“Worst fucking invention since scissor packaging that requires scissors to open them.”
More to come.
