EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

As every talking head in Australia continues to weigh in on the Netball Australia drama, the mining magnate at the centre of it all, Gina Rinehart, has now formally announced that she will now be channelling her philanthropic efforts into an entirely new organisation – recycling!

This comes as a few members of the Australian Diamonds Netball team asked for exemption from wearing the Hancock Prospecting label on their shirts, given some truly horrendous comments made by Rinehart’s late father Lang Hancock on live television a few decades ago that called for the sterilisation of aboriginal people.

Though Rinehart could have opted for a less nuclear option of coming to some sort of compromising solution or even just putting out a statement to say that she doesn’t agree with her father’s words, she has instead decided to withdraw the $15 million sponsorship and give it to a small, family-owned organisation that’s more than happy to compromise their values for some dollarydoos – ‘Planet B Incorporated.’

However, it can now be revealed that Rinehart is not as altruistic as she likes to make herself appear, as the business model for Planet B has now pivoted into something a little murkier, with an insider revealing that the tonnes of rubbish being collected from Australian households is now being used to kill off over 30 species of mammals living in the Great Barrier Reef to make ‘high-quality slurry’, that can be used for everything from engine coolant and pet food, to even home insulation. 

Rinehart has, of course, pushed back on claims she’s a tyrant, by stating that nothing is ‘truly altruistic’, if you think about it.

“Even the act of giving someone a gift, makes you feel good about yourself.”

“There’s no such thing as a selfless act.”

“So whatever, I MIGHT be turning a profit by killing millions of sea creatures a year.”

“But I’m also helping the environment by recycling their meat, which reduces the need for Australia to rely so much on oil and gas.

“Isn’t that you fucking greenies want?”

“Sorry, but if you want to make an omelette, you need to crack a few eggs.”

More to come.

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