ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A man who’s obviously on a first-name basis with the lads down at the Betoota Heights Stockland Tarocash store has debuted some new kicks at the offices of Desert Rock FM today, telling the receptionist that they’re “bitchin'”.
Mid-level sales manager Mark Hooterman, who came to local fame in 2019 for running a faux-labrador puppy mill with his brother Glen, told anyone who’d listen yesterday that he was going down to David Jones in the French Quarter after work to take a look at their irresistible corporate johnny range of footwear.
He told The Advocate today, unprompted, that he tried many different shoes on but was sincerely blown away by both the superior comfort of the $59 brown square toe oxford shoes and the fact they can go with every shade of $19 suit pants he has in the wardrobe.
“Check ’em out,” he said.
“They’re some random brand, probably made by Bangladeshi school children! [explosive laughter] Yeah probably not that funny but for $59, you can’t beat a pair of these. I could walk a marathon in these right now. Gun to my head, obviously! [explosive laughter] Fuck walking that far, I don’t care if it costs a few trees or chokes a few koalas, I don’t care!”
Our reporter was downstairs at the shared cafe space that The Advocate and Desert Rock FM share. Mr Hooterman had walked over to our reporter’s table and without even making eye contact or even introducing himself, he launched into another stream of consciousness.
“You know Dogga from Dogga & Dan in the Morning?” Mark asked.
Our reporter nodded as they have the highest rating FM radio show in Betoota and the wider Diamantina.
“Well, Dogga was putting shit on me just before. Asking me if I bought my new shoes at a brothel. Not that funny, especially in 2022. Well, everybody laughed so I went over the road to the service station and bought a bottle of DOT4 brake fluid. I took it down to the carpark and poured it all over Dogga’s new Porsche then I booted the side mirrors off,”
“There’s so much padding in these shoes, I barely felt the impact. Go and have a look, the paint is already starting to peel off the car. Who’s laughing now?”
Without breaking eye contact with the wall, Mark laughed and left the cafe without saying goodbye.
More to come.
