ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local man who goes through iPhones quicker than running shoes is today complaining to anybody who’ll listen that his phone battery is fucked and won’t hold much charge anymore.
There are people in North Korean hard labour camps that have an easier job than John Dollarhyde’s mobile phone.
From the moment the 37-year-old wakes up to the moment he resigns himself to sleep, he is using his phone. In the rare moments, his phone is in its refractory charging period at home after going flat on the bus home, John is watching television and resisting the urge to talk to himself.
Friends of the professional food scientist have told The Advocate that John is ADHD positive and refuses to medicate himself out of fear it’ll turn him into a vegetable.
Some colleagues say they’ve had to super glue their phone chargers into the wall because when John needs a charge, he will stop at nothing to get it.
“He takes our chargers, then completely forgets to bring them back,” said one coworker.
“Because he gets it up to 50% and then walks off talking to someone. It’s unbelievable. Whenever he comes into work, he’s either wrapping up a conversation or starting another one,”
“After all that, he has the hide to come in here and blame his phone for not being up to the job.”
The Advocate reached out to John for comment but he failed to respond to our questions.
More to come.
