ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A French Quarter man is asking himself the hard questions this afternoon after noticing a detail on a pair of his sister’s shoes at the front door.
Unfortunately for Jamie Goldsmith, of Rue de Putain, his feet are just a little bit too small to pull of a pair of Cuban heel riding boots.
“They look like Jimmy Choos,” he said.
“Which is probably worse. But I tell you what, I saw that my sister has a pair of Nikes that have a thick sole on them. We’re talking 30mm here. Which made me think, why don’t they make them for boys?”
In a real life Cinderella moment, the 34-year-old office professional tried them on.
“To be honest with you, my blood ran cold when my foot slipped into the shoe. It was a perfect fit.”
Both Jamie and his sister, Propellerné, moved back home at the start of the pandemic to both find their feet and set themselves some short term goals that their parents can brag about.
Two and a half years later and they’re both still there.
“I’m not sure if this is rock bottom or rock middle,” said Jamie.
“I thought the worst part would be asking Prop if I could borrow the shoes this afternoon. She had no qualms,”
“The last hurdle will probably be sneaking them past the lads down at the Gelded Seahorse. Fuck, I’m actually not sure it’s worth the risk. They’d roast the hell out of me.”
Our reporter was able to confirm that Jamie would not be able to sneak something past the lads such as platform trainers with one of Jamie’s mate saying it’d be in his best interests to just roll up in Vans like he usually does.
“It’s lot like we’re bullies or even toxic, we just call a spade a spade,” said the man.
“I mean, you can’t be wearing platform Nike shoes around your mates and expect to not receive a light ribbing. In fact, I’d go as far as saying you’d get a medium ribbing. On par with tipping the boys into a horse and watching the thing run last. That type of stuff,”
“Sure, Jamie might be pretty short but that’s because he’s inbred. We all know that and we still love him. We all have a mate whose parents are full-blood siblings. It’s just Australia, we’ve all got something going on.”
More to come.
