The Liberals have today unveiled a new election promise to Australian voters, vowing to repair the forecasted trillion dollar budget deficit without implementing any illegal processes, like they did last time.
With the in the fight of their lives to avoid being ousted at the 2022 Federal Election this weekend, the entire party has been ordered to soften their ‘bulldozer’ image’.
The last remaining Liberals who are allowed to show their faces in public have today appeared in cheerleader media outlets across the country, promising Australians that the days of them destroying the lives of thousands of vulnerable people with false accusations of welfare fraud are over.
This is obviously in reference to the fact that more than 2030 people died after receiving a Centrelink debt notice, also known as robodebt, according to data released by the Department of Human Services in February 2019.
While the architects of this program, the Hillsong faction of Stuart Robert MP and Prime Minister Scott Morrison, have refused to ever apologise for the pain caused to Australian families that lost loved ones to the pain and anguish triggered by letters and phone calls from a Government falsely accusing them of stealing thousands of dollars from Centrelink – they have today admitted that it’s not something they will not again.
“We promise we won’t cause the preventable deaths of 2000 people by sending out over 900,000 false Robodebt accusations again” said a government spokesperson today.
“This time around, we will repair the budget by slashing the National Disability Scheme and laying of thousands of public servants who work in pointless roles like child protection and the CSIRO”
“One thing we will not do, is ask people like Gerry Harvey to pay back the hundreds of millions of dollars they rorted from JobKeeper”
“In fact, we can rule out taxing any billionaires at all”
“Anyway, speaking of good economic plans. You peasants should drain your retirement savings into a home deposit.”
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