ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Dog owners have been put on notice down one French Quarter street today not to put their fur baby’s shit in a local man’s bin because he’ll be watching – and if he catches you – he’ll throw a brick at you.
Speaking from his 4th story window sill, local man Nathan White said he’s sick of people putting dog shit in his wheelie bin and has gone as far as leaving a sign on his bin.
“They just ignored my sign,” he said.
“And put their dog shit bags in my bin. They come on to my property, well, the strata and put the shit in my bin because my bin is the closest to the street. When it gets emptied out by the garbage man, it often doesn’t fall out and gets stuck on the bottom,”
“So if they ignore my sign, it’s brick time.”
The 34-year-old has claimed a number of scalps, as he puts it, including one this morning that left one yuppie unconscious in the street.
“Ah,” he chuckled.
“I got him good that one. He had his AirPods in. A Boston Redsocks hat and a French Bulldog. He put his dog shit in my bin, after reading my sign. I called out to him and he kind of turned around and looked up. He made a rude gesture and I reached for a brick,”
“It’s not like on Home Alone where they stay awake after the brick hits them. It’s like when you accidentally yank the vacuum plug out of the wall and it slowly hums down. That’s what happens to the brain. You hear this woosh as the brick tumbles through the air and then it sounds like hitting a carton of eggs with a sledgehammer if that carton of eggs was taped to a full leg of raw ham,”
“The police came and had a look around but seemed disinterested. A mugging they said and both shrugged.”
Nathan smiled and looked up the street.
“I almost got one yesterday. Missing him by an inch. He read my sign, too. It even says on the sign, I will throw a brick at you if you put your dog shit in my bin. It’s almost a legally binding contract. These people live in apartments, too. They shouldn’t have dogs.”
The Advocate reached out to the French Quarter Police Station for comment but they were still disinterested in pursuing this matter at all.
More to come.
