LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
To say Scotty From Marketing is disappointed with Australians is an understatement, even though at this point it’s fair to say the feeling is definitely mutual.
Unhappy that eastern Australians are not keen to go out and stimulate the economy whilst sampling the spiciest coughs the Greek alphabet has to offer, Scotty has made it clear to the population that staying home this Wednesday is about as unAustralian as our dairy industry.
“Guys, just think of the diggers ok?” stated Scotty as he cut out a few Australian flag tattoos in preparation for the big day of partying with his fellow patriots.
“Ah crap this is too hard, someone get Jenny.”
“Wait, it’s OK, I’m Prime Minister, I’ll go get her. JENNY! Can you come in here?”
“I already said please!”
While prepping for his big party with a few Qanon and Hillsong homeboys, Scotty repeated his claim that Australia Day is for all Australians and that by going out and spreading disease to vulnerable people you are holding up “one of the date’s first traditions.”
“244 years! I mean that makes it the oldest Australian tradition ever right?”
“And we carry those traditions to this day. Why do you think we go to the beach on Australia Day? Because that’s where the First Fleet landed silly! You can’t land a ship inland can you? It doesn’t work, trust me.”
“Back then they knew how to live with their viruses, probably because there was no Labor Party back then! I know I’ll be enjoying my Australia anniversary in the hottest hot spot there is, on the beach in my division of Cook.”
“You know why it’s called Cook right? All the food.”
“How good’s a snaggy sanger boys?”
