KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A Byron Mum is working hard to cover her tracks today, covertly transferring a box of caged eggs into a free-range carton whilst unpacking her weekly grocery shop.
Returning home from a discreet shop at the main street Mercato Woolworths, it’s believed the local Balinese rug importer took all 12 factory-farmed eggs and quickly placed them inside a brightly coloured free-range carton.
A local linenfluencer with a considerable Instagram following thanks to her overly stylised portrayal of Northern Rivers life, Hannah Augusté (52) told The Advocate the packaging switch was a vital move made in an effort to maintain her healthy socialite life.
“Whilst I rarely have visitors, it’s just not worth the risk having a carton of caged eggs lying around,” said Augusté.
“If my Healing Mothers group comes over for a mountain chant class, I only need one of them to open the fridge and wham!”
“I’ll be banished for good!”
When asked what prompted the purchase of eggs grown in a climate controlled chicken jail, Augusté explained that the nationwide fresh produce shortage had even made its way to the Byron bubble.
“There was nothing on the shelves and I honestly never dare enter that capitalist house of corporate devil worship, the Mercato Woolworths…”
“But the truth is I needed to buy some bug spray and none of my health and wellness stores in Mullumbimby sell a product that can actually kill a cockroach”
“So I swear I sprinted in, bought a sneaky can of Mortein and some of these offensive eggs and I hope to Buddha that no one from my Ayurvedic Food Pickling class saw me!”
Asked about her plans for the caged eggs, Ausguste said she was planning on uploading a healthy lunchbox recipe for other local herbal mums.
“I’m going to whip up some Pumpkin and Fennel Seed Muffins and put it on Instagram, I might even tag those guys at Bangalow Eggs and say they’re my egg providoré”
“Who’d know the difference!”
