KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT
In a move described by many as “unnecessary” and “kind of irresponsible”, the Australian Government has today formally acknowledge this week to be the first annual National “It’s Too Close To Christmas To Do Any Actual Work” Week.
In a press conference, the Government announced its plan to formally commemorate this momentous week, in which literally no one Australia achieves anything of note and most people spend their work days watching YouTube videos or the cricket.
“Many people know the importance of Christmas to our great nation”, said Prime Minister Scott Morrison.
“But perhaps even more important, even more is our age-old tradition of pretending to do work the week before Christmas but actually just drinking on a Tuesday”
“This is an issue that is important to the heart of voters, and as such, I have decided it is currently very important to me too. Until someone from my party disagrees with me, then I’m out”.
Meanwhile, millions of everyday Aussies are celebrating the announcement across the land, mostly by taking two-hour long ‘coffee breaks’ or playing excessive amounts of Candy Crush on their phones or, in some very extreme cases, taking a tactical ‘work from home’ day.
Reports out of Melbourne are stating that some people are even ‘knocking off early to go for a cheeky jar’, although The Betoota Advocate is yet to confirm these claims.
“It’s such a great day for Australia” said Gavin Phelps, a 37 year old contractor who works at an HR firm. “I’ve done literally nothing all week except read Wikipedia articles about the Fast and the Furious franchise. It’s been amazing!”
The move came after years of lobbying from advocacy groups, hoping to change the Australian holiday calendar to something that is inclusive of people from all walks of life, regardless of their race, creed, or what alcohol they choose get liver failure over.
“Obviously, this is a big win for us”, said head of one advocacy firm, Linda Walters.
“We want every Australian to feel like they belong, and what better way to feel that than to spend 5 days contributing nothing to the economy? That’s the most Aussie thing you can do!”
