ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
An airconditioning magnate from Betoota Heights said he’s taking some time away from making new life with his wife this week to enjoy his 9-seater couch complete with recliners and cupholders.
“I got ripped off buying the thing so I might as well enjoy it,” said big money Catholic Michael Matthew, of M&M Airconditioning.
“Guess where I bought it? Yep, that’s right. Harvey fucking Norman. Gerry, the old bastard, saw me coming and had his bloody staff hold me upside down and shake every last coin out of me for this sofa. It cost $19 000 but at least I got no interest and no repayments until 2026. That’s when he’s really going to bend me over,”
“Anyway, Mary and I, that’s the missus, we’re taking a break from having more kids at the moment. We’ve already got five and we’re having a breather before we get started on the next five. Nah, just kidding. Maybe one or two more. Don’t want to fill the couch out. Plus we’d have to add another level and we’ve already over capitalised on this joint, I’ll tell you that for free,”
“Still, nothing like sleeping under a doona when it’s 35 outside at midnight. That’s the power of air conditioning. I still marvel at it.”
When asked what he plans to do with the couch today, the 38-year-old said he was going to catch up on the Supercars and perhaps enjoy a film.
“I might watch Feild of Dreams again. I fucken hate baseball but it’s a good yarn. It’d be good if they remade it for cricket. Every Australian plays cricket. Not everyone plays rugby league and Victorian leg tennis,” he said.
“Nah, yeah. It’ll be a good day relaxing.”
More to come.
