ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Australian intelligence community has today reassured concerned residents that the suspected test of a hypersonic weapon system by the Chinese Government earlier this week was actually just a Betoota Heights father of three who put his back into a few delivers at the park yesterday.
Authorities were quick to condemn 47-year-old Michael Davies, of Greenbow Street, for conducting the test without permission.
Deliveries to his 5-year-old daughter Hilma were clocked at over Mach 5, which the government says is reckless and irresponsible.
“We have spoken to Michael and he has apologised for letting such heat down without first contacting the authorities,” said a senior public servant from an intelligence agency.
“He has admitted wrongdoing and has promised us that it will not happen again. He has, however, indicated his availability for selection for the upcoming Ashes Series,”
“Which is above my pay grade, so we’ll leave it there.”
Radar stations in the US and Australia picked up Mr Davies’ deliveries and suspected that it may have been a secret test conducted by the Chinese government, which would’ve spelled disaster for both governments.
As our own government has earmarked over $100bn for the future submarine project, the Department of Defence was able to confirm that the new submarines would be no match for both hypersonic weapons and Mr Davies coming in around the wicket to the left-handed with three sausages and six Great Northerns sloshing around inside him.
More to come.
