ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Victoria has all but seemingly crushed the spicy cough, leading the state’s defacto leader Dan Andrews to give the people of Melbourne even more freedoms.
From next week, up to six people from dix different households may gather around appropriate glass table outdoor settings to bend without time restriction.
Bending is a Victorian pass time and the state has been denied their birthright to do things like take drugs in liscened venues with impunity and go to comedy shows at 2am on a Wednesday.
“It’s something that’s close to my heart, I know it’s been tough,” said Premeir Andrews.
“I know we’re all used to getting on the ding ding and going down to St Kilda and Brighton to have a swim and either get run over by some fat prick, like a bloke who looks like he’s got a wheelbarrow tyre of flesh between his head and his body, in Mercedes four-wheel-drive or being yelled at by someone who’s fallen through the cracks in our state’s mental health system but we aren’t ready to go back there just yet,”
“By allowing small groups to gather and bend around the appropriate outdoor glass tables, we’re able to keep everyone safe. Don’t ask me how. Ok guys, thanks very much. I’m off to Melbourne’s famous Queen Victoria Markets to have a sandwich and a coffee. Because that’s what we do in Victoria,”
“If you think I’m making this up, you clearly haven’t spent enough time in the Victorian capital.”
More to come.
