WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Scott Morrison has today announced a bold new plan to broaden the appeal of the future release of a Covid-19 Vaccine.
The Prime Minister has revealed that the vaccine will be infused into Gluten-Free Baked goods to win over the Northern Rivers of NSW, Brunswick/Fitzroy, and the quieter anti-vaxxer hub of the Lower North Shore of Sydney.
He made the gluten-free announcement whilst confirming the government had signed an agreement with drug giant AstraZeneca to manufacture more than 25 million doses of the promising Oxford University vaccine – if it proves safe to use.
The Oxford University Vaccine has entered its 3rd phase of trials with hopes that it will be available as early as late 2020 – a fact that has the nation’s anti-vaxxers foaming at the mouth.
Morrison revealed that ‘the vaccine will be as mandatory as possible,’ a move which has people who think 5G causes coronavirus going ballistic in the comments sections and conspiracy Facebook groups.
“Easy as you like. Some nice Gluten-Free brownies or a Tumeric infused Kombucha to keep Byron happy,” explained Morrison this morning about the free vaccine that protects people from one of the deadliest viruses the world has ever seen.
However, while that seems like a good solution for the people who think Bill Gates has pulled the strings on the whole thing, some in the anti-vax community are still not happy.
Speaking to us on her 4G network from the Byron Hinterland, local influencer Andie Vachsher explained she will not take the vaccine under any circumstances (apart from if it effects her financially of course).
“Put it in whatever you want, I refuse to take the micro-chip poison shot,” she explained.
“Laugh all you want, but you have been complicit into our descent into full-blown fascism,” said the mother of 2 earth children who has never once mentioned Australia’s offshore detention system or the ever-encroaching data laws.
“I won’t wear a mask and I won’t take a vaccine for this virus that has a 99.5% cure rate, and that’s that.”
She then continued to rant about the Bill Gates Foundation for an extended period of time.
