LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
SPOILER ALERT
There comes a time in every young person’s life when they think it will be a good idea to flip through the biography of their favourite musician in the hopes it will inspire them to live a riskier, care-free life with stories worth sharing.
Unfortunately, it has long been acknowledged that most rockstar autobiographies are a cash-grabbing curation of lewd stories that manage to be simultaneously immoral and unabashed while serving as a pretty good anti-drugs commercial.
And now they are about to get a whole lot more boring.
It has been five months since COVID-19 was declared a pandemic by the WHO (World Health Organisation, not the band who have also produced biographies that could also be discussed here) and the deadly virus is showing no signs of slowing down.
To stop the spread of COVID-19 live music tours are unlikely to return until at least 2021, leaving musicians of the world to perform concerts from home, eat drugs and do absolutely nothing that you would want to read about.
“Post Malone just shared a story of him Skyping with Quavo,” stated music historian Miriam Borough.
“How is that going to make an amazing story one day? Not exactly fucking a 16 year old with a shark is it?”
Borough is holding out hope that some future rockstar biographies will at least feature the stay-at-home COVID-19 era as the perfect storm of drug binges and not the grim reminder that rockstars are just people that tried to follow their dreams and succeeded.
“That would be the post COVID world. Reading about how Harry Styles got really into his sourdough baking for a bit.”
