EFFIE BATEMAN | Local News | Contact
Local dad Daniel Simpson has been left feeling quite confused after he was presented a meat-free meal for the first time in his life.
After poking around in the spaghetti looking for a hidden piece of flesh, Daniel felt the need to enquire whether there’d been a mistake.
“Where’s the rest of it,” asks Daniel, grimacing at a piece of eggplant, “is this a bloody entree or what?”
“Did you give me the wrong one?”
When told that the meal was a vegetarian alternative to Spaghetti Bolognese, Daniel continues to frown and treat the dish as though it’s contaminated.
“I just don’t understand” Daniel says, refusing to even take a bite, “how is this supposed to fill me?”
After chucking a man-sized hissy fit, Daniel’s long-suffering wife has no choice but to bust out the frozen pies and fry up some bacon.
Daniel opts for the silent treatment as he swigs from a VB and places his feet up to watch the footy.
“I work hard so I need meat”, Daniel says, pausing slightly to wince as he experiences a sharp pain in his chest, “I don’t have time for this vego shit. It’s not natural.”
Daniel’s wife Lisa, a full-time nurse at the local hospital, says she’s attempted to incorporate more vegetables into her husband’s meals after seeing so many people in poor health.
But due to the fact she’s married to a man child, Lisa has found it to be a bit of an uphill battle.
“I’ve tried to hide stuff, like putting bits of pumpkin inside his chicken but he always finds it” reveals Lisa, “closest I can get him to eating veggies is a cottage pie.”
Daniel adds to this sentiment by placing the rejected bowl of spaghetti on the floor and ushering over the family’s aging Labrador.
“SEE EVEN THE DOG WON’T EAT IT”
It is unknown exactly how Daniel’s health has been impacted by his strict carnivore diet, but it’s clear his wife probably doesn’t give a shit anymore.
