ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has suddenly realised this morning, to his horror, that he has to try to get the nation back on track without taxing the rich or big business fairly.
While enjoying his usual morning cup of spearmint tea, he suffered the moment of clarity.
“Fuck,” he whispered into the steam
“What the fuck am I going to do?”
He thought how Alan Joyce would react. Would Kerry Stokes yell at him again? Twiggy would definitely abuse him with another retired Chinese spy at a press conference if he put a tax on ore exports.
Scott Morrison wouldn’t be pleased with him, either. During tense negotiations, Josh told our reporters last year that he imagines what ScoMo looks like in the nude to depower him.
“He already looks like he’s been poured into those reams of superfine wool,” he said.
“But if I make the rich any less rich or tax these giant multinational companies that have amassed all this wealth by digging it out of the continent – disregarding tens of thousands of years of culture and history in the process,”
“But if I tax the workers, it will make 99% of people in Australia much poorer for way longer. Plus, it’d take way longer to repay,”
“What the fuck am I going to do?”
More to come.
