ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Our town’s upper-middle-class white men will now have to show a local car dealer their anus if they want to go through with a purchase of a BMW, to make sure the arsehole is big enough to warrant buying one.
Rex LeMarc of Betoota Grove BMW told The Advocate this afternoon that he only wants the biggest arseholes in town driving his cars and the unorthodox methods of learning just how much arsehole a person has should become part in parcel with buying a BMW across the board.
“It’s a sliding scale,” he laughed.
Our reporter joined Mr LeMarc at his sales desk within the Whiteshoe Crescent showroom.
“For example, if you have an arsehole that’s the size of a CD-ROM, we’ll take you straight to the M3 section. The area reserved for the unbridled arsehole. The surgeons,
“For the more modest anus, we have a selection of 1-series cars. Perhaps even a four-wheel-drive. But they’re more popular with women. We obviously don’t inspect a lady’s arsehole. That’d be a bit crass. We aren’t Audi,”
“But for the biggest arseholes in town, we have a fully-electric model. You must have an anus the size of a ping pong paddle to own one of those.”
When asked if it was legal to ask to see a man’s anus before selling him a car, Rex said that was largely irrelevant.
“BMW drivers are already above the law, imagine how high a dealer like me must be?”
The Advocate reached out to BMW’s corporate headquarters in Sydney for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
