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“Kevin has a great set of pins on him and I’ve heard he’s into some pretty heavy shit. Like real plastic bedsheet type stuff. I’m not out to kink-shame him but it’s pretty full-on,” he said.
“We’d hardly put me or Tony in them. Josh said no, too. I’m the boss so there’s no way I’m doing it. Kevin knows we could overpower him and basically do it against his will so I don’t think he has a choice.”
The Prime Minister spent the morning describing how he plans to solve the Liberals ‘women problem’ as he spoke to journalists in Canberra.
One of the latest ideas to come out of the Party Room was to put one of the more conservative members in a pair of fishnet stockings, a move which paved the way for a Coalition victory in 1996.
When Alexander Downer, then a rolly-polly South Australian Liberal with a point to prove, was asked by a photographer to roll a fishnet up one leg and jam his size six foot into a pair of bargain bin Diana Ferrari pumps, he went from being just another private school soft boy to a feminist ally that Kevin Rudd could’ve only dreamed of being.
“Which is why we’re doing it again,” said Nightwatchman Morrison.
“If it worked for John Howard, it’ll work for me. But the party is different now, we don’t align ourselves with John Howard anymore. He’s starting to get confused and lost when he goes on his walks now, it’s actually kind of sad!”
“Bill Shorten would put a pair of fishnets over his head, like a common servo robber. He’d do it because he’s going to rob the Australian people. Remember that.”
More to come.
