LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Ambiguously titled IT Technician Bevan Blake (33) has protected the privacy of his uninteresting life by sticking a piece of tape over his webcam.
Known throughout his company for promising to provide IT support and occasionally showing up to do it, Blake is now gaining a reputation as somewhat of a tinfoil hat type who thinks the government wants to hack into his webcam to watch him at work.
“I use a VPN. I can install one on your computer later today,” lied Blake.
“The foil you can install yourself though. Kek.”
Those close to Blake say they are unsure why he feels the need to take low-tech preventative measures to protect himself from potential hackers as the most dangerous thing he has ever done was drive a car while a loose can of V rolled around on the floor.
“Keep in mind it might not just be the Australian government who wants to hack in. That’s why all my files are in English, so the Russians can’t read them.”
Friends of Blake are quick to point out that if Russian intelligence did hack into Blake’s computer and read his Harry Potter fan fiction, they would be the first people to do so.
“It’s just Harry Potter set in Japan. It’s not even creative and it’s pretty offensive to be honest,” stated a source close to Blake.
“And if they hacked his webcam to catch him wanking, they better get some extra hard drives to save that footage on because they’re gonna get terabytes worth.”
Responding to these comments, Blake pointed out that hackers will not be able to see him pleasuring himself due to the foil over his webcam and claims there is nothing offensive about his fan fiction.
