LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Former leader of Australian Christian Lobby and Kingaroy High’s Most Likely To Move The World Back A Step 1988, Lyle Shelton, has spent the day angry and unhappy after receiving an inconvenient reminder that his religion is about love and tolerance.
A prominent figure in the cult-classic ‘No’ campaign, Shelton now serves as the federal communications director of the Australian Conservatives Party, a bold move for anyone who finds the internet terrifying.
While browsing the heathen cesspit of social media, Shelton became swept with wrath as a Facebook user left a comment reminding Shelton that love and tolerance are at the core of Christianity’s teachings.
According to witnesses, Shelton typed and deleted no less than ten responses to the original message that was posted by a Facebook user who was still using the Facebook rainbow filter.
“I wish this person would fluff off,” stated Shelton.
“How dare they remind me that loving those different to you is a foundation on which my religion is based.”
Ultimately Shelton gave up on responding to the comment, which according to him is what Jesus would have done, if he was indeed the loving and tolerant person The Bible states he is.
“Just because it’s a matter of historical record that Jesus cared for all people – including sex workers, which I am against for the record – I am supposed to not call kids of gay parents the stolen generation? Where in The Bible does it say that?”
Insider reports state Shelton cheered himself up by practising some of his other favourite religious traditions such as decorating a tree you put inside your house and letting an overweight home invader take credit for the presents you buy your children.
