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The North Shore enclave of Noosa, Queensland, is expecting to have one it’s slowest summers yet, after droves of affluent Sydneysiders opt to spend their Christmas holidays on Nauru.
This comes as their jaded local MP described the Australian processing centre as “very pleasant” where refugees and asylum seekers get better healthcare than in some towns in regional Australia, despite the fact that they continue deporting doctors for saying that the tax-payer funded island prison is critically dangerous to the lives of children detained within it.
These comments have resulted in droves of silver-haired bourgeoise residents of the Northern Beaches of Sydney to immediately book flights to the Micronesian Island nation.
The Betoota Advocate caught up with some Warringah voters who had taken part in this specific white flight of holidayers.
“We couldn’t get rooms inside the actual prison, which was a shame” said Bernadette Birley-Bishop (65, retired homemaker)
“I hear it’s very nice. Our local member said so”
“As rich people with nothing to do, we take every word he says as gospel”
“Noosa will have to wait for next year. We might never get another chance to see Nauru if these sea levels keep rising!”
Bernadette’s husband Hugo was quick to interrupt.
“She’s kidding! we don’t believe in climate change [haha]”
The former prime minister made the comments to 2GB on Monday in an interview warning voters not to toss out Liberal MPs in favour of independents who, he said, claimed to be centrists but were in fact “to the left of Labor” and more like the Greens. Most evident in their stances against torturing children.
When asked about a YouGov Galaxy poll, published on Sunday, which found 80% of people want children and their families transferred off Nauru by taking New Zealand up on its offer to resettle 150 refugees, the Member for Warringah says that he was wrong about gay marriage and he’ll be wrong again if it looks like he is going to have to compromise in any way.
“The people now are almost all would-be economic migrants and if we give them what they want we will get more of them” said the lonely 62-year-old whose kids don’t talk to him anymore.
