ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
An ageing French Quarter property owner has decided that if he can’t use his 14-year-old television anymore – nobody should.
Tomorrow is the bi-annual Shire Council Clean Up in Zone 2 of the French Quarter and Old City District and the streets are lined with trash that could easily become someone else’s treasure.
Seen driving around this morning in a rented Toyota Hi-ace, local merchant Simon Pearson said he’s been out since dawn hunting for something valuable that’s been cast to the curb by our town’s cultural elite.
He also spoke of how many discarded electrical appliances he’s found with the power cord cut with a pair of secateurs.
“I came across this big old tele on Rue de Branlette. It was one of those old rear projection numbers. Great for watching sport on and whatnot. I was chuffed,” he said.
“But I pulled up to take a look, I noticed that the cunt had cut the power cord so nobody else could enjoy it. What a fucking prick. Typical inner-city leftie fuck. They’re all for social justice but if it means actually getting off the Matt fucking Blatt recliner, they can’t be stuffed,”
“I know you can solder on a new plug, there’s probably going to be people in the comments who’ll say this without even reading the article and clicking on a few ads so you guys can keep this rubber-band powered operation afloat for another month, but I can’t be fucked doing that. And I’m no electrician, I’ll probably end up burning my house down doing it.”
Our reporter knocked on the door of the television’s former owner but he was too busy on the phone asking his architect friend if he thinks enough time has passed for him to be able to get Geoffery Rush to MC his daughter’s wedding without it being weird.
More to come.
