Louis Burke | Culture | Contact
Local redhead Patrick Wallace (23) has noted how his life has returned to being an underwhelming routine of constant ridicule now that it’s been almost two months since the royal wedding of Prince Harry and Megan Markle.
Used to being called a variety of unoriginal but consistently hilarious names due to his ginger hair, two months ago Wallace enjoyed somewhat of a redheaded-renaissance due to Prince Harry marrying American actress Megan Markle, reminding everyone that some women don’t mind the odd tussle with an unlit matchstick now and then.
Although he was warned not to get too excited about his brief window in vogue, Wallace happily lapped up the compliments about his ginger hair and stubble which for the first time was coming from women who weren’t his nan.
“Things haven’t been this good since David Bowie karked it,” reminisced the bloodnut.
“Major ginger nostalgia that week. I guess now I’m back to being another ginger.”
Wallace claims his life as the go-to ginger reemerged a month ago when worksite co-ordinator Ryan Shanks asked him when he was doing another perfect duet with Beyonce.
“He had his time in the sun,” said Shanks.
“But you know what happens to rangas when they spend too long in the sun hey!”
Having spent his entire life as a bluey, Wallace is unperturbed by these comments but states the mocking has returned with an apparent gusto designed to actually hurt his feelings for some reason.
“I told Shanksy I was going to see some friends this weekend and he said ‘Oh yeah? You seeing Scary, Posh, Baby and Sporty are you?’ Like that’s dated but it still sucks.”
Having seen his hair colour move in and out of the zeitgeist, Wallace is hopeful his hair colour will make a comeback again. Shanks states this might be possible if Brad Pitt dyes his hair red in order to star in a Ronald McDonald biopic directed by Ron Howard.
