ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
An overly-polite local chickpea merchant has taken an early mark today to follow his fellow primary produce colleagues down to the Dolphins Leagues Club to watch the cricket this afternoon – despite him not even knowing the rules.
Alistair Peanut, of Woomerah Avenue, was asked by one or two of his coworkers if he was coming with them to the pub to watch the cricket to which he replied yes, of course.
However, he admitted to our reporters that his interest in cricket extends to him browsing pesticides at his local CRT.
“To me, cricket is just a noisy insect that ruins twilight, my favourite time of day,” said Peanut.
“But to my friends and colleagues, it seems to be a religion. Fuck the clients, lets head down to the pub and get pissed enough to roll around in the piss trough by 7 pm! No thank you. But yeah, if it means I can get an early mark and poke on down to the club for a few, then so be it,”
“I’m only planning on staying for an hour or two, might feed a pineapple through Pelican Pete, get me some lighthouses. Put some through the Tatts? You never know. The only thing I do know is that I don’t know the rules of cricket and I don’t like watching it.”
Though he struggled to keep his train of thought on the tracks, one of Mr Peanut’s coworkers told The Advocate after he’d had a few that Alistair is a top bloke.
He said the office often ducks out early if there’s some decent sport on, leaving the heavy lifting to be done by those who don’t really follow sport.
“Yeah hunnid, pa-cent,” said grain trader Henry Poncho.
“We come down here, it’s a pissa. Watch the game and have a few f-u-c-k-i-n-g coldies and enjoy the Test cricket. Alistair is a mad cunt,”
“Such a good work culture here. What were we talking about again?”
More to come.
