WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The South Betoota Polytechnic Academy of Phonetics And Speech Study has today dropped a bombshell new report.
Built off the back of nearly a decade’s worth of clinical trials and studies, the new research has revealed there is an entire generation of kids who sound like they went to an international school.
“Yes, we’ve found nearly 74% of children between the age of 4-10 all sound like they went to school at international school, or have lived in multiple countries,” said Hugh Speakman, the lead researcher.
“The remaining others either have those weird home school accents or are multi-lingual.”
“Many of them sound like a kid who’s learnt how to speak using some weird Microsoft Sam technology.”
When asked why an entire generation had these weird af accents, Speakman explained that unfortunately screen time is largely to blame.
“Man, go watch some of the popular kids shows on Youtube, or punish yourself with Cocomelon for an hour,” he explained.
“That shit will rot your brain faster than anything that’s got an animated man poking his head out of a toilet and saying skibidi.”
“Anyway, all these shows and games with the weird American and international accents, combined with the modern Australian accent and less talking to people than any generation before them – has got em all muddled up.”
“I know I sound like a boomer here, but I’m just telling you what this report has found.”
“Don’t shoot the messenger.”
