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Prosecco Hornbag
We’ve written about this brand of wine drunk before. It turns people into zombies that crave human flesh. Particularly common after a winter bottomless brunch, but also makes the odd appearance on a Friday night. Can only be defeated by bulk carbohydrates.
White Wine Supportive Best Friend
There is no one more supportive and loving than the white wine drunk, whether it’s heart reacting an old school mates Instagram stories or sending an ex or crush a message they’ll severely regret the next day. A white wine drunk is a pure lover girl.
Moscato Side Quest
This will have you dancing to dated pop music in the kitchen of some new gay friend’s apartment, or in one of those weird nightclubs where you can’t see or hear anything. Or in trouble with the law. The sweetness, it goes straight to the brain. And remains there as a pounding headache the next day.
Sleepy Red Wine Giggler
Purple teeth and belly laughs. It’s best enjoyed when everyone is on the same page and ideally wearing sweatpants on a couch. Likely to result in someone passing out early, waking up to a thick layer of resin around their lips the next day (a.k.a red wine lippy!)
Buttery Chardonnay Truth Hurts Wine Drunk
A buttery chardonnay drunk is a friend who will preface a sentence by saying ‘I love you but you need to hear this’.
Buttery chardonnay drunk is best reserved for a deep dnm on a couch between two women, with ideally one of them going through some kind of ongoing relationship problem that the other is sick of hearing about.
