KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A smelly boyfriend is getting called out for living like a grub this week, as a local Betoota couple debate the need to purchase new bed linen.
After peeling the fitted sheet off his 12-year-old mattress this morning and chucking it in a wash basket for its annual monthly wash, local fridgey Dave Dunstan (30) was cornered by his girlfriend and heckled about the cleanliness of his sleep habits.
As a bloke who purchases bed linen and new pillows once a decade (if he’s lucky) Dave soon discovered that his idea of “fresh sheets” was very different to that of his girlfriend Tamara.
Given that the three stanky pillows that sit on his bed are the same pillows he’s slept on since Julia Gillard was Prime Minister, Dave had shaky legs to stand on in the eyes of his girlfriend who was simply horrified by what she found under the protective layer of his pillow cases.
“Babe, this pillow is fu*cking fluro yellow, is that a piss stain?” she huffed, looking at the sad, sorry, manky pillow laying on the floor.
“When was the last time you changed these, they have an expiry date on them you know!”
Given Dave’s a born and bred Betootan, whose idea redecorating a home is to simply to buy some new tea towels from Kmart, Dave decided he’d try, and fail, to dig his proverbial feathers into the ground and stick up for himself and his bed linen.
“Expiry dates on pillows? Nah it’s all marketing I reckon!”, said Dave sheepishly, checking out the collection of stains that had indeed been soaked into the pillow.
“They just want you to buy more babe, a bit like greek yoghurt, they last way longer than you think they will.”
“I reckon they’ve got another winter left in them still. If you’re really worried about how dirty they are I can just put two pillowcases on them, they’ll be extra comfy then too!”
More to come.
